What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize