Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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