i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
