We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
FUCK WHALES
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
