I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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