it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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