WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize