Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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