Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
