is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
