that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize