I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
