also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
