I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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