His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
