if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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