Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
i now understand why vodka
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
