I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Pants are for mortals
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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