I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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