Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
