Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
