Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize