had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize