Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
there's paper in my vomit.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
