I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
