The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
