youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
