I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
