I'm really into asian looking animals
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Randomize
