My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize