Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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