Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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