i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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