"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
