Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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