I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize