What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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