6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I think my moral compass just broke
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
