I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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