I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
