I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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