How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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