I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
