We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
