Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
