how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
