There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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