I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
