I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
