Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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