She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
