the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Sober January is a disaster.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize