i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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