i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
