and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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