I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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