I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
