found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
