What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
