No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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