You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
