I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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