What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
