Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
