Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
