When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
