i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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