I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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