so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
