I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
