I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
