I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
