drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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