How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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