What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
