Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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