Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
