Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
