are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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