This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
