Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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