and you said cock pushups were impossible
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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