So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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