You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize