im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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