this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
