I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize