The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
