During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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