woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize