I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
