yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
one might say we're banned from that church
He uses pillows to masturbate.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
