hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
