I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
