at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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