I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
