I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
