Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
