Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
