I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
