I must be too annoying 4 u.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize