I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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