1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
